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The Long Journey When I was a boy I experienced several freak accidents in which I had severe trauma to the head. I thought nothing about them, and just went on living and preparing for the future. As I grew to manhood God led me into the pastoral ministry, and I enjoyed it very much. But I seemed to be exhausted at the end of every day. During the years I had bouts of depression, and at times went for weeks unable to do anything but the most basic duties. Like the woman with the issue of blood who came to Jesus for healing, I spent a great deal on many physicians and medicines. Some of them seemed to help for a time, but I seemed always to return to depression. When Martha and I moved to Texas in 1988, my cousin, who was a research psychiatrist in Dallas, recommended a colleague whom he felt might be of help. Dr. James (we’ll call him) gave me a thorough examination, and discovered that the old head injuries I'd had as a child had caused brain damage to some vital areas. The depressions I'd experienced had merely been side-effects of petite-mal seizures that I'd been having for years. And now that I was growing older, my body was suffering more acutely from the seizures, and I no longer had the vital energy to overcome them. Dr. James told me that even at my best, I was only about half there, as my brain could not compute all that I saw and heard. At the time, my condition seemed to be getting worse by the month, and soon I no longer had the ability to keep up with all the myriad details connected with pastoral ministry. When I discussed this problem with the conference secretary, he suggested that I had become disabled to the extent that I could no longer work as a pastor, and arranged that I receive a disability retirement. I think back over the 27 years of pastoral ministry and reminisce about the way God blessed me. He knew about the brain damage, the depressions, and how they restricted my effectiveness. And yet He gave me the strength to go on day after day. He blessed my feeble efforts and made it possible for me to carry on even when it would have been impossible otherwise. He gave me the joy of helping almost 400 people get to know Him, and allowed me the thrill of baptizing them. He made it possible for me to learn to write, and has strengthened me to produce 18* books, many of them published, and over 200 journal articles. Even today, though I cannot minister as a pastor anymore, God still gives me the ability to minister in the written word, and in teaching individuals about the Bible. I gave myself to Him many years ago to minister to His people. And He has led me all these years in spite of what has seemed at times to be overwhelming odds. As His steward, I continue to give myself to Him every day, asking only that He give me strength to do what He has for me to do on that day. He always has and He always will. *The books and many of the articles are available on this site.
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